If I farted every time my sidekick, Socky Gipptipperboo, was persecuted, I would never stop laughing and sitting on people. Socky draws more attention to himself than that one guy in front of the porn shop who wears sandwich-board ads for head lice removal. I don't know if it is his habit of mouth-breathing, his disregard for public pooping laws, his excess body hair, his sniffing peoples' crotches, or his hatred of Newt Gingrich, but he cannot catch a break.
Now usually when I am describing him to cashiers at Waffle House or reliving his hilarity during a police line up, people tend to think that I am describing a dog. This is not the case. Socky is every bit a person as I am, he just doesn't believe in the "social constraints" that the courts keep outlining for him.
Socky met his unfortunate end last Tuesday as a result of a dare he put on himself and performed for our amusement. While talking about shoelaces with a local gang of third graders, Socky was insulted by Jim "Snappy fingers" Henkins. Snappy fingers said that Socky was a big dumb girl after Socky called the gang a bunch of short squeekers. Socky, a near perfect man, has one weakness: his pride. In retalliation, Socky told them that he would perform one of his own dares. After two minutes of silence, he told them that he would eat half of a bee hive. This may sound easy enough, but Socky is allergic to bees and they hate people eating their hive.
After 4 mintues of yelling and chewing, and swelling to the size of Cousin Sweaty, Socky declared victory and tried to rub the kid's face in it (literally in the hive), but he died as he chased the kid.
Now I know how Andy Griffith would feel if Barney Fief had died during a bet.
More to come.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment