In the kitchen with Skubert

I recently discovered the joys of cooking, partially due to a great meal I had at my cousin Minwyeh's house (I know, he has a weird name. His dad tried to tell the nurse "Marbs" when she asked what his name was to be, and he sneezed. He wasn't aware that he could tell her to change it. He didn't let the name "Marbs" get away though. He used it for his daughter), and partially because I learned that cooking would give me an excuse to handle knives while drunk.

While some people swear by cookbooks, cooking shows, or recipes found online, I have my own ways of establishing my culinary genius: I wing it and change my recipes when my cooking results in hospitalizations or passing a bottle of ipecac around the dinner table. While there may have been a couple of meals in the past month that my family liked, a majority have not been good. I made this a positive thing, though. Nobody makes 'Ipecac Pudding' like I do.

I have found success in the following dishes: Pickle soup, waffle sandwiches, and mustard pot pie. If you want the recipe for any of these winners, let me know. While these have been family favorites, there have been others that my family has been able to keep down safely. These are: bologna-sausage-bacon delights (bacon, sausage, and bologna fried in butter), doritos & peanut butter, pile of salt, chicken breasts with mushroom sage sauce, and toothpaste burgers.

While it would take me a long time to remember and record all of my mistakes, or as my family puts them, "Papa's oopers, oogers, pukers" (or POOP), I will try to remember a couple so that you don't have to learn this the hard way. A couple of pieces of POOP are: whisky tuna corn flakes, mud tacos, sweet peppers and pocket change stew, spaghetti and popcorn fondue, hair subs, and cheese trout on a pile of sand.

Ah well, you can't win them all.

More to come.