Einstein owes me royalties

Scoff, I dare you. I am the one who came up with the idea of special relativity. Mr. Albert Crime-stein stole it from me like I stole my hat from a bald kid in a wheelchair. I can prove this with the most rock solid evidence that can be produced: a vague story that I can support with drawings on the soles of favorite pair of bowling shoes.

So me, cousin Boobie, laffy Pete, and Funkle went to the Slippy Floor Alley out there by the gas station. This wasn't an ordinary bowling night, as the Slippy Floor is to regular alleys as Burger King is to regular restuarants. So wearing our finest dress tank tops and work pants, we set out to a night of luxury to celebrate laffy Pete's first day at his new job (which he missed to go bowling). Ordering the finest beer and selecting the most gourmet items from the vending machine, we felt like high society.

That is when I realized that my ball, rolling down the lane, was an independent unit in its own inertial frame, with velocity and mass relative to other inertial frames, thus eliminating any potential for absolute states of rest. Describing this to the group with my enthusiastic dance and drawings on my bowling shoes as visual aids, I described this new perception of reality to them, knowing for sure that I was to change the scientific community for the better.

This is when cousing Boobie, a tenured physics professor at Georgia Tech, broke the news to me that this had already been discovered by that stupid head Einstein. I made it my goal that night not to sleep until I got royalties for my discovery.

I woke up the next day and spent most of the morning looking in my phone book for this Einstein guy, but he must be unlisted because I couldn't find crap.

More to come.