Most TV shows suck nowadays. I still watch many, because I like to exercise my pupils, but they are ususally pretty terrible. I recently wrote to NBC to suggest an entire overhaul of their programming schedule, to which I have received no reply. I take that as unmistakable evidence that they are going to run with it.
Dear NBC,
Your shows suck. Especially the ones with that one guy (I forget his name, but he was in that one show about waffles). Here are some new shows to use this fall in place of the other ones, which you should get rid of.
Remember “Leave it to Beaver”? It was a classic. Let’s bring it back but adjust it to modern times. We’ll call it “The Wiccans of Southern Idaho.” It will follow a husband and wife and their two children, all of whom belong to a wiccan commune that gets into all sorts of delightful tomfoolery.
Reality TV has the right idea, but all the wrong baselines. Who cares about people that fish or some stupid rich person and his wife? “Ipecac Jokester Chronicles” will show the true stories of people that dump high levels of ipecac into the food, drinks, and batches of toothpaste of unsuspecting victims. Together, the audience will laugh and cry with the show’s key people.
I have one for those that like their stories, too. “Bowling league of desire” is about a bowling league and all of the drama that occurs between the bowlers.
Game show? I’ve got one: “What’s that smell?” will reward contestants for their ability to figure out whatever smell we present. The lightning round will involve the contestants trying to outsniff my bloodhound, ‘Cmere You’.
For some reason, there are hundreds of crime mystery shows. We can capitalize on that with “CSI: Repeated Parking Violaton Offenders”
For the children, you can present a cartoon worth waking up for: “Honkey and Wheezy” (about two people that cough a lot). Also, a show like Sesame Street, “Uncle Billy’s Moonshine Shed,” will both teach and entertain the little buckets of joy.
Any holes in your schedule should be filled with reruns of Cop Rock, Mr T and Tina, and segments of improv comedy with Glenn Beck.
Sincerely,
Skubert Barleysworth
Be prepared for a new breed of entertainment.
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