I hope Duffer likes roses

I have always been close with Duffer Fuffer, my neighbor as a kid. He and I used to do pranks that made people say “Well daggon, that is one of Skubert and Duffer’s pranks. I hope we can put it out.” We once kidnapped Sheriff Moomer’s only son, tattooed “STUPID MOOMER” across his face, and stapled his right ear to a monkey at the zoo. That was a good one. We went too far a lot and got a lot of people mad at us, so we would have to make up for it with a fun prank. An example is the time that we went to the God Church (down there by the good Wendy’s) and got into every car in the parking lot and spun the steering wheel between our butt cheeks. Most of the people thought it was so funny they threw up after smelling their sticky hands. This was our follow up prank after we returned four corpses at Lenny’s Funeral Home to their families holding a sign that said “I’m dead.” We got a lot of bad press after that one.

Well recently Duffer has been putting on some weight due to his love of couch sitting and his hatred of not eating. He had always relied on his metabolism to keep him slim, and his constant jump-squat-farts, which kept us all amused, helped him, too. As he is an incredibly vain person, this recent weight gain has not been easy for him to handle. While he knew something needed to be done to improve his image, he didn’t want it to conflict with his couch sitting, which meant that he wouldn’t be into exercise. Leave it to Duffer to come up with a foolproof solution, though.

I guess he decided to get a sex change operation when he noticed that his man-boobs were becoming very plump and appealing. Now his weight gain is only making him more attractive. I only stopped by to write this article on my way to our first date because I wanted to do a before/after article on our date.

More to come.